The Cost of Perfectionism

"The perfectionist is not trying to be the best. They are trying to feel safe."

I used to wear the perfectionist label like a badge.

When someone asked about my greatest weakness in an interview, I had my answer ready. I care too much about my work.

What I did not say was that underneath the high standards, I was quietly anxious most of the time. I was not producing quality. I was managing fear.

What the research says

Psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler describes a perfectionist as someone who sees a gap and has an active compulsion to bridge it.

That is the behavior. What sits underneath it is something most people never examine.

What it actually costs

That gap is often a search for validation, approval, or acceptance. Which makes perfectionism a bridge to nowhere.

You are no longer trying to do things well. You are trying to appear competent, even as you fall apart inside.

The cost is paid privately. But it shows up in every room you walk into, parroting the voice in your head that is never satisfied.

The people around you experience your corrections as criticism. And you, the one holding everything together, are exhausted by an image that was never the full picture.

Decision Worth Making

This week, I am practicing accepting one thing I would normally correct. For me, that means adopting a good enough approach to a task I would usually spend too long perfecting. I am inviting you to try this with me. Pick your one thing and make the conscious choice to leave it alone.

This is the first issue in a four-part series on perfectionism. Over the next few weeks, we will look at how it shows up, what it costs, and how to interrupt it. Stay with me.

Until next week,

Termeil Hall